::Last Updated 9/19/04:::

An FAQ is definitely in order, but this won't be your typical FAQ. There's too much left open to interpretation. Whereas someone might say "Hostage Calm" on the "Quicksand 98 Recordings" bootleg is called just that, someone else will come along and get mighty offended and say fuck off! it's not called "Hostage Calm" it's actually called "Relaxed Person Being Held Against Their Will." Who needs this? Battle it out amongst yourselves. Instead we'll get a quasi-sampling of the emails I've received and the answers I've given just to straighten things out for those who are...shall we say, a little confused or those with just entirely too much time on their hands.


1.) Dear Walter,

Your site RAWKS! I live Poland. Come rawk my land. Great site! I no have new CD but must rawk. You rawk!

I can't make the fact that I'm NOT Walter more blatantly obvious, yet I still get the emails insisting I am. I am not Walter. This is not the official site of "Walking Concert." I was never in any Walter bands, I never roadied for any Walter bands, I don't even KNOW Walter. Okay, that last part isn't true but we've just gotten to the point where he knows I'm not a crazed, obsessed stalker and I don't want to jeopardize that so let's not risk anything, ok? This is just a forum for you to hang out in and try to get the best information as of yet assembled regarding all projects Walter. If the emails insisting I'm Walter don't stop the title of the website will officially be changed to I'mNotWalter.com.



2.) Dear Asshole,

You stole my picture and made it look like shit. I am a serious rockin' indie photographer and I'm very self-important and a big jerk and I know you stole my picture off my site because I'm so cool and my picture is so cool that you knew you could make a bazillion dollars on your website my putting my super cool picture up. (And you made it look like SHIT, by the way.) Stop making billions of dollars off of the pictures you stole from me! WAH! WAH! WAH!

Rockingly independently yours,
Conceited Asshole Photographer Jerk

 

Yah, this wasn't the actual email but it's a pretty damn accurate depiction of what a cry baby this motherfucker was. When creating this site, I was sure I had gotten permission and/or given credit to everyone who deserved it but apparently I missed "Conceited Asshole Photographer Jerk." Well I took your picture down because I'd rather NOT have it on my site than to give your dumb ass credit. I make NO money off this site. I spend a fortune not to mention the time and effort because I'm a fan and saw a serious need for this type of forum on the web. I'm SO sorry that I didn't credit your dumb ass but to be honest, I'm glad I didn't because you're too goddamn rude to even acknowledge. Good luck with your career--with your lame attitude you're going to need it.


3.) Dear Site Guy,

My band ROCKS! How come you didn't review my band's CD in your "thirteen word reviews" section? How come? You suck! DIE! DIE!



Well, jerko, I probably didn't review your CD because it was released in a limited edition of 12 copies and shockingly, my local Best Buy just didn't seem to have it. I'll be happy to review your CD but just don't whine if I rip on it. Email me at MyWar@UnitedByWalter.com if you'd like to send me a CD for review. I'll be kind, I promise. ;) (SUCKER!)


4.) Dear Amazingly Cool Webmaster,

Your site is so wonderful. It's my favorite place on the web. I spend hours and hours just downloading songs and posting and gazing at the pictures. I love you and your site. But how can I repay you? What can *I* possibly do? What could make your life better? Please tell me because your selfless actions are awe-inspiring and you deserve nothing but goodness!


Well yes, I do rock, don't I? A new Porsche is a fabulous way to show appreciation. Round trip tickets to Europe? Sure! But if you really appreciate me, consider Paypaling a buck or two (whatever you can afford) once in awhile. Unfortunately the amount of bandwidth used on this site makes it VERY expensive, and I appreciate each and every donation greatly. Click on the Paypal link to gimme some love!


5.) Dear Walter Web Dude,

I am going to pretend to be a fan and a friend so you will send me all of your rare Quicksand/Rival Schools/Walter & The Motorcycles etc. recordings and I know you will do it because you are a nice guy and want to see nothing but the good in people. However once I get them I will stab you in the back and make copies of them and sell them on Ebay for a profit! HA HA HA! You dumb, trusting idiot.

Sorry you're so stupid,
Evil Ebay Selling Person

P.S. Please stop sending free CD's out to people. You're cutting into my profits, asshole.


Dear Evil Ebay Selling Person,

I weep because you've made me lose my faith in the human race. Are you happy now? If this kind of thing continues I will no longer share any exclusive material I get with the members of UBW. Walter has never released this stuff for a reason--perhaps he was dissatisfied with the outcome--whatever--but I've been sharing it with the members of UBW because, quite frankly, I think we all appreciate EVERYTHING Walter does, and there was never any profit involved. It's sad that some have abused this and it ruins things for everyone else. Start selling items like your soul or your kidney on Ebay instead. It will be much more entertaining for all of us and surely much more profitable for you.


Okay, so there was just a sampling of the email I've received and my attempt (albeit, tongue-in-cheek) of dealing with some of the issues that have resulted because of this website. Exaggerated as some of it was, there's a hint of truth in all of it.

Overall, UBW has been a very fufilling experience for more and I get a real kick out of maintaining the site and interacting with all of you on the boards. I've made some great friends here and I'm so grateful for that. Without a doubt, the good outweighs the bad. Just remember that I, like you, am a fan and nothing that transpires here is done out of anything but the best of intentions. If you happen to have a gripe, please consider that before confronting me on any issues you may have.

Rock On...

Big Time!!!


My War